Making the Most of Therapy When You Have Nothing to Say
Therapy can be a powerful tool for growth, healing, and self-discovery. But what happens when you find yourself sitting in a session, unsure of what to say?
Most clients experience this at some point, and sometimes they feel worried about how the time will be spent and whether the session will feel productive. I have found that what often happens is the opposite — sessions that start out this way often turn out to be our most productive.
Clients are often surprised by what emerges during these times, and the sessions where they worry they have nothing to say frequently end up being some of their favorite and most transformative experiences.
Here are some do’s and don'ts for getting the most from a session when you aren’t sure where to start:
Do:
Embrace the silence: Silence in therapy can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Sometimes, the quiet moments are when the most profound thoughts and feelings start to surface. Give yourself permission to sit with the silence and see what comes up. We as therapists are trained to feel comfortable with silence, and to help you move forward if the silence feels uncomfortably awkward or unproductive for you. Sometimes giving silence a chance can be really helpful.
Reflect on the week: If you’re at a loss for what to discuss, think back over the past week. Have there been any highs or lows? Did you experience any particular moments of stress, joy, or confusion? Even small events or feelings can be worth exploring in therapy. This is the most common way that sessions that start off with little direction turn out to be the most productive — reflecting on things that seem mundane can reveal deeper patterns that we would not have otherwise explored. It’s one of the reasons I love occasionally having sessions that start out with feeling like there is little to say.
Discuss progress: Sometimes we are so caught up in exploring topics in your life that we don’t get a chance to talk about how therapy is going. These quieter sessions can be a great time to reconnect about your goals in therapy, places that you have made progress, and what you want to continue to work on. It is also a good time to talk about how therapy is going as a whole — what you like about your sessions, what you would want to be different, questions you have that you haven’t had a chance to ask, etc.
Ask your therapist for guidance: If you’re really stuck, don’t hesitate to ask your therapist for help. I often keep in mind topics that come up in our session that are important but that we don’t have time for. When you aren’t sure what to talk about, that can be a great time to go into topics that we may have saved for later. This collaborative approach can help you get back on track and make the most of your session.
Bring in external material: Sometimes, bringing in something external can spark a conversation. This could be a journal entry, a book you’re reading, a dream you had, or even a piece of art or music that moved you. I’ve also had clients share memes and other social media posts that resonate with them. These materials can serve as a starting point for deeper exploration and can provide insight into your thoughts and feelings.
Assess session frequency: It is normal (and can even be good!) to occasionally have sessions where it feels like there is nothing to say. But if this happens frequently, it may be a sign that you are doing well and that meeting less frequently would better address your current needs.
“Sessions where [clients] worry they have nothing to say frequently end up being some of their favorite and most transformative experiences.”
Don’t:
Cancel last minute: It can be tempting to cancel a session if you don’t feel prepared or if you think you have nothing to talk about. However, last-minute cancellations can disrupt your therapeutic progress and might prevent someone else from using that time slot. Remember that therapy is often most effective when you show up consistently, even when it feels challenging. You also might be depriving yourself of what could turn out to be a particularly productive session!
Avoid the session altogether: Avoiding a session because you’re unsure of what to say can be a missed opportunity for growth. Therapy isn’t just about having something specific to talk about—it’s also about the process of exploration and discovery. Showing up, even when you feel uncertain, can lead to unexpected breakthroughs.
Dismiss “small” or “unrelated” topics: It’s easy to think that only big, life-altering issues are worthy of discussion in therapy. But small, seemingly unrelated topics can be just as valuable. Don’t dismiss these as unimportant. Sometimes, exploring a minor annoyance or a random thought can uncover deeper patterns or concerns that are worth addressing.
Keep your thoughts to yourself: If you’re feeling stuck, don’t keep it to yourself. Share your experience with your therapist. Let them know that you’re struggling to find a topic or that you’re feeling uncertain about what to talk about. This transparency allows your therapist to better support you and helps create a more open and collaborative therapeutic relationship.
“Showing up and being honest about your experience—whether you have a lot to say or not—will always contribute to your therapeutic journey.”
To sum up, it’s perfectly normal to have sessions where you don’t know what to talk about. Rather than viewing these moments as obstacles, try to see them as opportunities for deeper self-exploration. These are often the sessions where we gain the most insights. Therapy is a collaborative process, and your therapist is there to help guide you through these moments of uncertainty. By communicating your needs, reflecting on your experiences, and being open to exploring new topics, you can make your sessions meaningful and productive, even when you’re not sure where to start.
Remember, showing up and being honest about your experience—whether you have a lot to say or not—will always contribute to your therapeutic journey.
