Giving Your Therapist Feedback: Why Your Voice Matters
Therapy is a journey that’s all about you. As you work through your thoughts and feelings, you might sometimes wonder, “Is this helping me the way I need it to?” One of the most powerful ways to shape the therapy process and ensure it’s working for you is by giving feedback. Speaking up about what’s working, what’s not, or what feels unclear can make all the difference in how effective therapy is for you.
As therapists, we have a variety of skills that we can use to help you, but sometimes it can be hard to know which ones will help you. When you share what feels useful (and what doesn’t), it helps to tailor the process to meet your specific needs. The beauty of therapy is that it’s flexible—feedback helps you and your therapist adjust the process to keep things focused on your growth.
Why Your Feedback Matters
Therapy doesn’t come with a set formula that works for everyone. We’re all unique, and what’s helpful for one person may not feel right for you. This is why feedback is so important. Your input lets your therapist know what resonates with you and what might need to shift. Maybe there’s a technique that doesn’t sit well, or maybe you feel like you need more time to talk through certain issues. Being open about these things helps create a therapy experience that’s yours.
“When therapy feels more relevant and focused on what you need, it’s easier to stay motivated and make meaningful progress.”
Sharing feedback also builds a stronger relationship between you and your therapist. It makes the process feel more collaborative—like you’re both working together toward your goals. When you know your therapist is listening and making adjustments based on your feedback, it can boost your confidence in the process and keep you more engaged. And when therapy feels more relevant and focused on what you need, it’s easier to stay motivated and make meaningful progress.
Feedback isn’t just about fixing problems, though. It also helps you track how far you’ve come. Sometimes it’s easy to miss the small victories, but by checking in regularly, you and your therapist can celebrate the progress you’re making. At the same time, feedback can help you figure out if you’re feeling stuck or frustrated. If something doesn’t feel right, being able to address it head-on means you’re not wasting time on things that don’t work.
Why Giving Feedback Feels Hard
Even though giving feedback is helpful, it’s not always easy to do. You might worry about hurting your therapist’s feelings or feel unsure about how to express what you’re thinking. These concerns are normal and happen to a lot of people in therapy.
Sometimes, it can feel like if you say something isn’t working, you’re being ungrateful or critical. But your therapist wants to know how you feel. Therapy is all about you, and therapists understand that adjustments might be needed along the way. They’re not going to take it personally if you need something different.
There’s also the fear of being judged. You might wonder, “Will my therapist think less of me if I don’t like this approach?” The answer is no. Feedback actually gives your therapist more insight into who you are and what will help you best. It’s not about them—it’s about finding the right path for you.
Another barrier is that sometimes you’re not sure how to give feedback. Maybe you don’t know exactly what isn’t working, or you feel like your concerns are too small to mention. Even if you can’t pinpoint the problem, sharing that something feels off can still be really helpful. Your therapist can work with you to figure it out.
For others, giving feedback can feel like conflict. If you avoid confrontation in other areas of your life, it’s understandable that this might feel uncomfortable. But think of feedback in therapy as a conversation, not a confrontation. Giving feedback and receiving a positive, non-defensive reaction from your therapist can also be a really healing experience, as you get to give a difficult perspective while still having a positive connection with the person receiving your feedback.
Working Through the Barriers
If giving feedback feels difficult, that’s okay. There are ways to make it feel more comfortable. One helpful reminder is that therapy is your time. Your therapist is there to help you, and they can’t do that as effectively without knowing what’s working for you.
Start small: If giving feedback feels intimidating, start with small, less emotional observations. You could begin by mentioning something like, “I’ve noticed that I feel more comfortable with the sessions where we focus on practical tools,” or “I’d like to spend more time talking about this issue.” As you get more comfortable, it’ll be easier to share bigger thoughts or concerns.
See it as a team effort: You can also try thinking of feedback as part of the teamwork between you and your therapist. You’re working together to find what helps you the most. Instead of feeling like you’re criticizing, you can see it as fine-tuning the process to keep things moving forward.
Write it down: If you’re struggling to bring up feedback verbally, consider writing down your thoughts and sharing them with your therapist. This can give you time to reflect and organize what you want to say, and it can take some of the pressure off having to say it face-to-face.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself throughout the process. It’s okay if giving feedback feels awkward or difficult. Acknowledge that it’s a new skill, and it might take some time to feel comfortable.
Tips for Starting the Conversation:
Sometimes people want to give their therapists feedback, but struggle with how to start that conversation. Ideally, as therapists we are asking for your feedback, but this may be happening less often than we intend. If this happens, you could bring it up by saying something like, “I’ve been thinking lately about how our sessions are going. Could we talk more about that?”, or you could also name that it is hard to talk about, such as by saying something like, “This is hard to talk about, but I have some feedback to give about our last session.” There are some other examples of what you could say to the right of this text. I always recommend bringing these topics up toward the beginning of the session rather than the end, so that there is time to process what you want to share and the feelings that come up.
Final Thoughts
I consider feedback to be a major source of information in how I conduct my therapy sessions. I know it can be so hard to give feedback, and I really encourage you to work through the discomfort as much as feels possible so that we can collaborate on how to best help you. I cannot always promise that things can change in the ways that you want them to, but I can promise to listen, validate your concerns, and put in my best effort to create a more satisfying experience for you.
