Sometimes when we are struggling and in pain, it feels like our emotions take over. It can seem like we are not just experiencing our emotions, but that we ARE our emotions. This can make our emotions feel even more overwhelming, as we feel completely consumed by them.

What if it didn’t have to be this way? What if you could find ways to feel a part of yourself that is separate from the struggle you are currently experiencing? The good news is that this is a reasonable goal to work toward. And when you find yourself more able to do it, you’ll notice that while part of you still feels the emotions, there is another part of you that can take some healthy distance from them and know that the feelings aren’t forever.

Another benefit of being able to observe your emotions with a bit of distance is that it puts you in a better position to think about what you can do about the emotion or the situation that is leading to the emotion. When you are experiencing a feeling without being fully consumed by it, you can think more clearly and are more likely to consider coping skills or solutions that you will actually find helpful, as opposed to the desperate feeling of grasping at straws only to find yourself doing something that doesn’t completely serve you.

One simple way to start to feel the difference between observing your emotions and being consumed by them is to notice the difference between when you think something like, “I’m sad,” vs. “I’m experiencing sadness.” In both cases, there is an unpleasant emotion. But in the second example you are implicitly sending yourself the message that it won’t last forever; it is simply something you are going through right now.

This can be a tough skill to practice, especially in a moment when you are feeling overwhelmed. It can be helpful to practice this skill during times when your emotions are positive or neutral, so that when you are struggling the skill feels more automatic.

Maybe next time you are doing a simple task (washing dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc.), try another form of the sentence above, e.g. “I am having the experience of washing dishes” and see if that helps you to feel a bit of distance.

Another way to practice observing and distancing yourself from emotions is to label the emotions by name: sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. Sometimes giving a one-word label can help the emotion to feel more concrete and less ambiguous. Naming different parts of the experience of the emotion can also be helpful — what are you feeling in your body? what thoughts do you notice? are there any urges that you feel? Try to name those as being parts of the experience.

Learning to observe your thoughts from a distance can be a tough task. But given that it is something that can be used anytime, anywhere, with a wide variety of emotions and experiences, it is also one that is well worth it.