When we talk about relationships, we think a lot about what our “red flags” are, like someone not showing up for plans you had made, someone verbally disrespecting you, etc. These are things that suggest to use that we should keep on the lookout for future signs that this person is not a good match for us. Being aware of the presence and absence of red flags can be a big part of getting to know someone. And this is for good reason — we don’t want (and don’t deserve) to commit ourselves and our time to someone who is not actually good for us. Knowing what you consider to be red flags is important. What kinds of attributes or behaviors would you find unacceptable in a person that you are in some kind of relationship with?

Less frequently talked about are “green flags,” or signs that the person you are interacting with is treating you well or could be a good match for you. These are just as important as red flags, and are helpful to pay attention to when you are getting to know someone. Traits or behaviors that are “green flags” tend to communicate things like respect, values, communication, and care. Here are some examples below:

What do you think about the above examples? One thing to notice could be the overall sense of safety and respect that one might feel when they have a partner who does these things regularly. The importance of those feelings cannot be overstated — if these are not consistently present in a relationship, it’s practically impossible to enjoy other parts of the relationship that are going well.

In addition to some of these more “foundational” green flags, there might be other traits and behaviors that are particularly important to you. Take some time to think about what some of those things might be, and which ones are non-negotiable. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and connected in relationships, and knowing more about yourself and what you need is a great step to work toward having that.